


Loki's Angels

by Lady_Loki_11_13



Category: Marvel
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Brother Feels, Character Death, Drama, Drunkenness, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Excessive Drinking, F/M, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Fear, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Loki (Marvel) Angst, Lost Love, Love, Suicidal Thoughts, Threats, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2019-09-18 10:17:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 21,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16993146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Loki_11_13/pseuds/Lady_Loki_11_13
Summary: Jane doesn't exist.The Dark Elves use the ether as a weapon to revolt against Asgard.Frigga got caught in the crossfire and dies.Loki feels responsible for her death because he sent Kurse to kill Odin.Thor and Loki go to Svartalfheim to destroy the ether, avenge Frigga's death and show the Dark Elves their place in Yggdrasil.Loki dies. Then...





	1. Chapter 1

Loki watched as Thor cradled his body.

Thor cried out "No!" as Loki closed his eyes and died after being stabbed by Kurse. 

He felt a little guilty at that but, no, it was all part of his plan. He was not going back to that cell. And definitely not going back to that hell that was supposed to be "family."

Frigga wasn't there now to try and at least fight in his corner.

He felt the usual guilt he now had to deal with when Frigga came into his head "I'm sorry Mother" he whispered "I'm sorry." 

Thor left Loki's body there on the plains of Vanaheim and went home. He would tell his father what Loki had done. He would try and make Odin proud of his beloved brother, even though he was gone. He deserved to be honoured. 

 

Loki hadn't really decided where he was going to go.

Midgard always seemed to win when he thought through the options. Well humans are odd. Such a fickle, stupid race. They think order and chaos are somehow opposites and try to control what won't be. How hard could it be to infiltrate them in plain sight. 

He went through one of his secret passages and he arrived back in New York.

He was without his magic now he was supposed to be dead. Odin had suppressed it when he was in the prison cell and the little that did flow was useless and if he used it, Odin would know he was alive.

'I will cope' he thought, a few days on the streets, until he found some place to stay, how hard could it be? Well, it was harder than he thought. It was actually a few months on the streets trying to survive. But survive he did mostly using his charm and wit.

He managed to charm his way into the life of some old biddy who ran a burger joint.  
Sam's Place. It was near the alley he slept in.  
She would give him some of what was left at night, so at least he had one hot meal a day, even though he was a god and could survive longer without food. But if she was giving food away he wasn't going to refuse.

He even managed to talk her into giving him a few shifts, which was of course, totally beneath him and flipping burgers and serving humans was so boring, but, he couldn't complain. The customers seemed to like him and the money was useful, as he realised he needed money to survive better. 

 

Surprisingly, Loki found this all strange, this new found structure in his life. Feelings he had never experienced before started to creep in. He was starting to smile. He was starting to care. He was also starting to feel gratitude. Something he had never felt before, as he just never needed to be grateful for anything, except maybe Frigga, but he had never really thought of her in that way. She was always just there. He maybe should have been grateful that she always stuck up for him. Actually accepted him, as her child. But she had done, because she had wanted to, so why did he need to feel grateful to her. 

He was still living on the streets, but he was starting to feel a strange sense of contentment and dare he feel it, happy, which he couldn't quite get his head around. He took time to put all these feelings together and in context, but he worked it through, analysing each one.

Nights doing nothing, but trying to sleep or keep warm had him thinking a lot and that's what else Loki excelled at, thinking and analysing.


	2. Chapter 2

Grace was a nurse at the hospital near to the alley where Loki slept and the burger joint where he worked.

To her, he was one of the many homeless persons that was around the city.

But there was something different about him. 

When he wasn't at Sam's Place or the shelter he had found, which he used to sort himself out sometimes and also helped at, he sat on the corner where she passed on her way to and from work.

When she saw was him he was usually reading.  
A newspaper, a book sometimes or taking notes in a small notebook or drawing small sketches which he laid out if people wished to buy. 

They were little charcoal or pencil drawings of the city, so the tourists loved them.  
He rolls them up into a little scroll and slips a black elastic band around them.

That's how she found out his name, well his initials at least.

She bought one, one day.

LL he had signed it. Two beautiful script letters that danced across the bottom of the drawing.

The first time she spoke to him she gave him a sandwich and a bottle of water. "Hi" she said. 

"Thank you" he replied. He looked at her with emerald green eyes.  
His black almost shoulder length hair was a striking contrast to his pale skin.

He was mesmerising.

The few times she had seen him standing, he stood at well over six feet. 

He could be a god.

She smiled to herself thinking about when she was a child and always loved fantasy stories, her love for all those stories never left her.

He was a god from one of her stories.  
He would rule in another realm, far from earth.

 

She eventually found out his name when she gave him a coffee and a sandwich one cold evening.

"Thank you" he said, looking at her as he always did, which gave her butterflies. 

"Are you going to get inside somewhere tonight, it's really cold?"

He looked at her again, wondering why she was suddenly engaging him in conversation. He hated that at times. It wasn't that he wasn't grateful for people giving him food and drink, he just didn't want to talk to people when he didn’t feel in control.  
The only time he felt in control was working at the diner and helping at the shelter. Sitting on the pavement made him feel very vulnerable. 

But her blue eyes looked concerned and her smile was warm.  
He was gonna have to make small talk.

"Eh, no, but I'll be fine thank you and I don't mind the cold, it's not too bad."  
"I'm a nurse at the hospital up the road. My name is Grace. If you need anything just ask for me. Your name is?" she asked.

'Oh no, please, no' he thought.  
He hesitated, not really sure about giving his name.  
He looked away, then looked up at her again, then looked away again.  
She suddenly realised he didn't want to give his name and she realised she was towering over him. After an uncomfortable pause, she said, as she bent down to his level, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."  
"No" he said, shaking his head, but not looking at her. "You're not" but his face squirmed a little.

"It's, em, it's em... Loki."

"Oh wow!" she said smiling. "Like the norse god?" 

He looked at her, her blue eyes were sparkling. 

"Yeah" he said shrugging his shoulders and rolling his eyes. 

"Well" she said, "the hospital" as she pointed up the road, "ask for me, Grace, if you need anything. Promise?"

"Yeah" he sighed, "I promise" he said, suddenly feeling like a child, but giving her a half smile at least.  
He dropped his eyes, looking away again and she took that as her cue to leave, really hoping she hadn't overstepped a line, she knew homeless people had a lot of pride. She stood up and walked away. 'Loki,' she thought, 'he definitely is a god.' 

He eventually looked up to watch her walk away up the road, thinking that was a strange conversation, but he valued her kindness and thought she must be an angel.

 

He remembered his mother and the manners she taught him and he was pleased he had at least been respectful to her.

Yes, he decided she was definitely an angel and maybe she had been sent by Frigga to look out for him, so he would always be respectful.


	3. Chapter 3

She was grabbed as she walked past the alley. 

She screamed, but then a hand came over her mouth, as she was dragged into the dark. Loki heard the scream.

Just so happens he had picked this very alley to sleep in tonight, just behind a giant dumpster. A bit of peace and quiet away from where he usually slept as the street was noisy getting near the weekend and was a bit more shelter from the wind. He stood up to see what was going on.

He saw a man dragging a woman. She was then thrown to the ground. "Scream again and you will get this." 

Loki saw the glint of a knife. He came out from behind the dumpster.

"Hey" he shouted "what are you doing?" She gasped when she saw it was her norse god. 

Loki looked at the woman. It was her. His angel. 

The man jumped "Get lost" he said "this one is mine, go get your own."

Loki shook his head "I can't let you do that" he said, calmly. The man suddenly lunged at him. Loki jumped out of the way. He then tried to grab the hand which had the knife. But the man suddenly turned and stabbed Loki, in his side, just under his ribs. 

Loki staggered back, the knife still in him. He looked down, shocked. Time seemed to stop.

The man bolted.

Grace jumped up just as Loki staggered again and he grabbed the knife to pull it out.

"No!" she shouted.

He dropped it then collapsed against the wall and fell down to the ground. She was by his side in an instant.

"Loki" she said "oh no, Loki"

She took her scarf off and used it to try and stop the bleeding. Loki looked at her.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, shaking his head. "I'm sorry"

 

He had been stabbed trying to save her. He slumped against her and she gently laid him down. He lay helpless, as she put pressure on the wound and phoned for help.

"Stay with me, Loki, stay with me, help is coming. You're not going to die."

Loki looked into her eyes. His breathing was labouring. He was panicking and going into shock.

"No, no" he said, shaking his head. 

He couldn't catch his breath. He tried to swallow, his mouth dry.

He grabbed for her. Tears in his eyes. She found his hand and held it. This time there was no illusions. No magic. He felt the pain. He felt the blood, he felt the life flowing out his body. He was scared. This time he knew he could die.

 

She was an angel, like his mother and the last thing he would ever see.

 

His eyes rolled to the back of his head as he slipped into unconsciousness. He heard her in the distance. "Loki!" she shouted, shaking him.

 

He heard the sirens, before it went dark.


	4. Chapter 4

Loki opened his eyes.

Daylight was flooding into the huge window. He squinted. He was lying down, he realised. He lifted his head slightly and his head swam and pounded. 

"Oh" he moaned and shut his eyes again and laid his head back on the pillow.

He heard beeping and then a voice said "Good you're awake."  
"Hmmm" he mumbled and tried to open his eyes again.

He tried to focus. Then, there she was. Grace looking at him and smiling. 

"Do you want to try and sit up?" she asked him. 

"No." Loki told her. His head swimming and feeling sick. He felt something on his face and brought his hand up to try and move it.

"Loki, it's an oxygen mask on your face, it's okay." Grace explained to him. She removed it so she could help him have some water.

"Just go back to sleep, Loki, you need to rest. You are going to be fine."

Loki looked into her eyes, as she put the oxygen mask back on his face, then closed his eyes knowing he was fine. He was alive. And she was there looking after him.

 

Loki recovered and was being discharged today. Back on the streets. She couldn't let that happen. There was something about him. She couldn't put her finger on it.  
She didn’t want to let him go. She couldn't let him go. 

Such a stupid thing to do. Yes, she heard all the voices of reason in her head.

But...

She walked into his room and heard herself say "I have a spare room. If you want to use it."

Her heart started pounding. The way she felt. It was like she was outside her body watching herself. 

Loki was sat on the chair tying his laces, but stopped and looked up at her. 

'Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.' She said to herself. 

"I don't know" Loki said. Looking down at his laces again. 

"Please say yes" she blurted out. "It would help in your recovery and it doesn't have to be long term....if you don't want it." 

She felt her cheeks start to flush and tried hard to control it.

Loki looked back up at her, then back down at his laces and finished tying them.

He didn't look back up. His fingers lingered on the laces while he thought about the offer for a moment.

Then he suddenly stood up and looked at her.

"Yes. I...I'd like to" he said "Thank you very much." 

"Excellent. That's sorted then" Grace said, trying not to sound too excited. 

"I don't get off shift for another couple of hours, so you can wait for me in the cafe downstairs. Here's my pass. Have a coffee and something to eat while you wait."

Loki took it from her. "Thank you" he said

He turned to pick up his rucksack.

"I'll see you later, then" he said smiling at her.

She watched him walk down the corridor to the elevator.  
As he stopped to press the button to call it he looked back at her and smiled at her again. 

She went back to her duties walking on air.


	5. Chapter 5

She showed him into the room.

"It's not much, but it's better than... Sorry" She said, cutting herself off, not wanting to patronise him.

"No, it's great. Thanks." Loki said.

They both stood quietly, suddenly feeling awkward and lost for words.

"Okay." Grace said. "I'll leave you to it. Make yourself at home."

She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Loki stood looking around the room again. He dropped his rucksack in the corner and switched the lamp on. He took his shoes off and laid on the bed. It was soft, definitely better than what he had before, obviously.

There was a blanket laid across the bed. He pulled it over himself and closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep.

 

He woke up with a start a couple of times. Glancing around frantically wondering where he was. Knives glinting in the light in his head. It was too quiet. He was glad he kept the lamp on. Too many ghosts in the dark. He would have to ask Grace if that was okay.

He eventually slept until morning when he woke to the sound of Grace moving about the apartment. He lay listening to her. It was so what normal human life should sound like, but to him, it was alien. Then he heard the front door close. 

He decided he should get up.

He used the bathroom first, then wandered into the living room and then the kitchen.

She had left a note. 

 

Hi Loki,  
Hope you slept well.  
Help yourself to tea, coffee, food, etc.  
Have a shower. I've left towels out for you.  
See you later, I hope.  
Grace 

 

'See you later, I hope. That was odd.' he thought.

'Maybe she thinks I will leave.' He looked round and saw a spare key. So maybe leave, come back or leave lock up and...?

He decided on tea first. Then a shower. Then food. Then... Well... he didn't know that far ahead. 

 

Loki was curled up on the couch reading one of her books when he heard the key in the door.

"Hi" she called, trying not to sound or look too excited.

Loki had immediately shot up standing, feeling awkward that he had been caught on the couch. He was standing in the living room, book in hand, swaying slightly, having stood up so quick, when she came in.

"Hi, how was your day?"

"Em, good, thanks." he mumbled, trying to stay upright and focus. 

She went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. 

"Tea?" she asked him.  
"Yes, please" he replied, then gave himself a shake and followed her.  
"I'll get it, you sit down." Loki said to her. 

"Thanks." She sat down and watched him make her tea, smiling and feeling spoilt. 

He put it in front of her, along with the milk and sugar.

"Thanks Loki." she said.


	6. Chapter 6

They lived in simple domesticity for a while. Fitting together as roommates. 

Grace even teaching Loki how to cook a few simple meals, which he sometimes happily had ready for her when she returned home after a long shift. 

Loki still worked at Sam's Place, meaning he could contribute to the rent, etc.  
He also still helped at the shelter. Needing to give back to society. That still confused him. But he did it and Grace was proud of him, so it must be something good, that humans do. 

As for his drawings, well he had stopped selling them to tourists, but had continued drawing to help him relax, so he had quite a lot of them scattered about his room and the apartment.  
Grace suggested selling a few at the charity shop they had at the hospital.  
"Yeah, okay." Loki agreed.

The arrangement worked well.

Then feelings came into it...

 

Grace knew Loki was attractive. He made her head spin sometimes, well maybe all the time.

Her norse god, remember.

The few times they bumped into each other when he came out the bathroom with just a towel round his waist, she swooned. Glancing up to look into his emerald eyes. His black hair freshly washed, that had been trimmed since moving into the apartment with her, that smooth, sculpted chest, porcelain skin and he smelt so good. It was only her coconut shampoo and fruity shower gel, but, he made it so hot.

She bought him an electric shaver. "New roommate gift" she said. She would hear it buzzing. 

As for Loki, he loved beautiful things, including women. He had had his fair share of the Princesses, Ladies, maidens. And thanks to Thor, the prostitutes outside the palace.

And Grace, while not being constantly preened all the time, he mostly saw her in work scrubs or sweats, was beautiful.  
Her blue eyes and short blond hair, which never seemed to go how she wanted it to go, so sort of fell in haphazard curls, framing her face.  
He smiled to himself when he heard her complaining about it.  
She brightened up any room she was in.

So they danced around each other.

But it had to happen...

The first time they slept in the same bed was when Loki woke screaming, really screaming with a nightmare.

She heard him some nights. He would be restless, but usually he just fell asleep again or got up and made a hot drink and she just left him alone.

But this time everything was going through his head at once.

He wasn't sure what triggered it. A lot of reasons, maybe, but he had heard an acquaintance from the streets had died. He didn't know the young man, but it really affected him. Human life was so trivial. And for his life to end homeless. Loki couldn't get an understanding of how that could happen. 

So his nightmares escalated to the point where they took over this night. He had Odin in his head screaming at him, waving knives around and then...

The stabbing.  
Odin's hate.  
The prison.  
The whippings.  
Frigga.  
Denying her.  
His guilt.  
Living on the streets.

"No! No!" he cried out. "No! Stop! Stop! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please stop!"

She shot upright and ran to the room. Loki was sat upright screaming and thrashing, eyes wide, but still trapped in the nightmare. She tried to grab his arms fearful of getting hit.

"Loki!" she shouted. "Loki!"

Suddenly, he snapped out of it, terrified, glancing around, then stared at her, not sure for a moment where he was.

"What?" he gasped, surprised to see her.

"You were screaming. It was a nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" Loki snapped at her. But then shaking his head he opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. 

She went to put her arms around him. Loki flinched away from her.

"Can I?" she asked gently. He looked in her eyes.

She truly was an angel. Eyes questioning him. Wanting to comfort him, like when he was a child and crying and Frigga was there with her arms going round him and scooping him up.

He relaxed slowly and let her.

Her arms went around him and it was wonderful. She drew him close to her. He needed to feel another hold him. He needed comfort. He slowly melted into her embrace, trembling.

She stroked his hair.

He started crying, remembering how his mother stroked his hair. "I'm sorry." he mumbled, as he moved to lay against her, his ear against her heart.

"Shh." She whispered. "Don't worry about it."

He cried. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he choked, as he lay against her, her heartbeat lulling him, while he clung onto her. She rubbed his back, until he slowly relaxed and his breathing became slower and he fell asleep.

She was sure she heard him whisper "I'm sorry mother, forgive me."

They couldn't remember falling asleep.

 


	7. Chapter 7

When he woke he was still wrapped in her arms, his head still against her, hearing her heartbeat.

When he realised where he was and that she was there he nearly jumped up, but he stopped himself.

He suddenly felt a warmth come over him, emotionally and stayed still, enjoying her touch and listening to her heart. 

She eventually opened her eyes and it took her a moment to realise where she was and that he was there too. 

"Morning." she said sleepily.  
"Morning." Loki replied.  
"How are you?" she asked him.  
"Better, thank you." he told her. 

They lay quietly together for a while, just enjoying each other.

Loki eventually took her hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it. He looked at her and smiled. He could see the amber flecks in her blue eyes. She blushed and smiled at him. The corners of her eyes crinkled. She kissed his head. She then pulled back and looked at him.  
He realised he wanted her. 

She was beautiful, his angel and he couldn't stop himself from moving so he could kiss her.

Their lips met.

He closed his eyes. Her lips were soft, warm.

Grace" he murmured, lips trembling. 

"Loki." she moaned into his mouth.

He lifted her up till she was straddling him. 

She ran her hands through his hair, her nails lightly scraping his scalp. He moaned, his arms around her waist as he ran them up her back, his hands shaking.

"Loki." she gasped, her mouth open. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth. 

She moaned. "Loki." She wanted him.  
But...

She then pulled back as she felt things started to get too heated.  
'Not now' she thought 'we can't just jump in.'  
She looked at him trying to catch her breath and smiled.

"Coffee, I think?" she then said, smirking.  
Loki laughed. "Yes, coffee." He pecked her nose and let her go. 

Loki watched her leave. His heart skipped a beat. He had butterflies. 'Was this love?' he thought to himself.

Grace brewed the coffee. She heard him in the shower. He came into the kitchen dressed.

"So," Grace asked, her back to him, too shy to look at him, "now what?"

Loki smiled and moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her. 'I think I love you' Loki thought, laying his chin on her shoulder. 

"Let me take you out," he whispered in her ear. "and we can decide now what together." 


	8. Chapter 8

So began the courtship of Loki and Grace.

 

Nothing extravagant. Loki wasn't made of money after all. 

But the dates they had, were wonderful.

Walks in the park. Picnics. Even a picnic in their pj's in the living room one day when the rain poured down and changed their outdoor plans. Another day giving each other facials, painting each others nails and drinking wine, laughing till they couldn't breath. Movie night, pizza, falling asleep on the couch together. 

Loki realised he was falling for Grace.  
He lay in bed one night listening to her moving about the apartment. It was so domesticated.

Simple.

Maybe the thing he had been looking for all his life.  
Was it what he had been looking for all his life? 

He wanted her.

'Is this love?' he thought to himself.

He got up and went over to the table in his room. He looked through his pile of drawings. The ones he had in his room were all of her.

How did he get so lucky to find her. Maybe she found him. Maybe it was Frigga. 

He went back to bed and fell asleep hugging his pillow. 'Yeah' he thought, smiling to himself. 'Cheesy, that's what the humans call it.'

 

Loki decided on a meal out at a restaurant.  
Get dressed up.

There was a lovely one, Silver, just across the road from Sam's Place.  
He'd saved up enough to treat her and made a reservation.

He wanted it to be special. After all, he was going to tell her he was in love with her, so, ever the romantic, he sent Grace an invitation.

She saw it when she came home. He had left it in the living room, the corner just tucked under the book she was reading. One single piece of paper folded in half. Her name in beautiful script written across it. She opened it and read...

Dear Grace, 

You are invited to a meal at Silver.  
Meet me in the living room at 6.30pm  
On the 15th.

Yours, Loki

'The 15th', she thought, that's in two days.

He told Iris the next day at work. Their chat got around to what Loki would wear for his date. "Oh!" Loki said, suddenly panicked. "Damn it."  
He had been so busy with thinking about how he was going to tell her he was he love with her, that he hadn't thought about what he would wear.

"Don't worry" Iris said "I have the very thing upstairs."  
After they closed she took him upstairs and showed him a suit.  
"This belongs to my son. He didn't think he would need it when he went off to college, so left it here. Go and try it on, he is skinny like you, maybe not as tall.  
Loki looked at the black suit which had a white shirt with it and a green tie.  
He tried it on. It needed some adjustment.

"Stop worrying." Iris said. "I'll get my sewing kit out."

"It will be perfect. I'll have it ready for tomorrow." she said. "Enjoy your date. Tell your girl you love her."  
"Thanks." he said and gave her a hug.


	9. Chapter 9

They met in the living room for their date. 

Grace was breathtaking in a red evening gown and black wrap.

Loki's mouth fell open. 

"You look beautiful." he told her.

You look handsome Loki. I didn't know you had a suit."

"I don't." Loki said a little embarrassed. It's borrowed from Iris. It belongs to her son.

"It doesn't matter, Loki, you look great. Come on, let's go." she said taking his hand.

 

The thunder started as soon as they left the house. Loki looked to the sky, flinching slightly. 

The rain followed shortly after they had arrived and ordered drinks.

"We made it." Grace said feeling relieved they didn't get wet. Loki felt very uneasy now.

 

He looked towards the back exit and saw Thor standing there. His blood froze. Thor pointed toward the restrooms and Loki excused himself, getting up and walking toward the back of the restaurant.

"How did you find me?" Loki asked, when he came face to face with his adopted brother.  
"You came up on Jarvis radar, so I asked Tony to search for you, when I realised you were alive." Thor said. 

"He has all the technology and better him than Shield. If they found you, you would be in a cell now. You need to come back to Asgard. Thor told him, looking smug.

"I can't go back. I won't go back. I have a life here."

"A life? Ha! I mourned you. You died in my arms. Do you know what that feels like."  
Loki said nothing.

"The woman you are with, what is she to you?" Thor asked him. 

"I love her." Loki said, trying to keep calm, but was starting to get agitated.

"You can't love a mortal."

"Please Thor" he begged, blinking back tears. "Please don't do this. She loves me. The only other person who ever loved me..." he paused, thinking of his mother "...was Frigga and she's gone. I'm not going back to a loveless family. I'm making a family here that is full of love."

"I love you and father does too."

"He's not my father!" Loki spat. "He has never loved me. And you...you... would be happy if I was to rot in a cell for the rest of my days, whipped daily. Punishment without trial. Odin hates me and I'm not going to live in misery or in your shadow, may I add, just to please you or rot in a cell, to please Odin. I wasn't allowed to explain that what happened was not my fault."

"Does she know what you are and I mean it all, not just being a god and being immortal, but...being a murderer too?" Thor asked him, still looking smug.

"Like I said, I didn't know I was doing those things. You know my mind had been taken over. How many times, Thor..." Loki said, getting exasperated, fists clenched. "No. She doesn't."

"When. Are. You. Going to tell her?" Thor demanded, almost spitting the words out at him.

"I might not." Loki replies, quite nonchalant.

"Well, I think it might be obvious one day." Thor smirked.

"I don't care. I don't want to think about the future. I just want the now. That is all I can cope with." Loki said.

Thor grabbed his arm. "You are coming with me."

"No... please, don't." Loki pleaded, shaking his head and pulling his arm away. "No."

The tears did fall this time, fearing Thor was going to drag him away. Loki hated himself for being so weak, especially in front of his brother, but Thor looked at him and for the first time saw something genuine in his brother's eyes. Loki frantically wiped the tears away.

Thor let go of Loki's arm, took a step back and dropped his eyes.

"Go then." he whispered.

Loki looked confused. "What?" he asked.

"Go then." His brother said, a bit louder, looking in his eyes again. "Go, before I change my mind."

Loki turned to leave. "But, always remember." Thor said.

Loki turned back to look at his brother. "I will always love you and I am always here if you need me."

Loki hugged Thor. "Thank you." he whispered, then left.

Thor stood there for a few more minutes, he knew his brother loved him, he didn't need to say it. But he, wasn't what Loki needed at this time.

 

When he left the restrooms, Loki was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

Grace noticed his thunderous expression when he came back from the restroom. He took out his wallet and threw some money down on the table. He then grabbed Grace's arm and pulled her out the chair.

"We have to go." he growled at her.

 

"What was that about?" Grace protested, as she was marched out of the restaurant.

Loki had her by the arm. They were halfway along the street, Grace almost running to try and keep up, when she shouted. "Stop Loki!" And pulled her arm from him.

"Grace come on, we are going home!" he shouted at her and carried on walking.

"No, Loki, no, tell me what's wrong"

He stopped and looked back at her, then dropped his eyes to the ground and turned away, his back to her, embarrassed by his frantic actions.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled "for ruining your night."

He then remembered what he had been going to tell her tonight.

"Ruined!" he spat, close to tears. He was angry at Thor. He was angry at himself. He folded his arms, fists clenched, his shoulders hunched.

He blinked back tears that were threatening.

Grace stepped forward and touched his shoulder. He flinched, embarrassed by his behaviour.

"What is it, Loki, tell me."

He shook his head. She walked round him until she was facing him. He couldn't look her in the eyes.

"That's okay." she said and unfolded his arms and took his hand.

"Let's go home."

Loki let himself be led by her. They walked the rest of the way in silence.


	11. Chapter 11

When they got back to the apartment Loki went straight to his room and slammed the door shut. He paced, fisting his hands in his hair, then sitting down on the bed, trying to breath. He was annoyed at himself for being weak again and letting Thor win. He was more than annoyed, he was livid. He couldn't hold back the tears that threatened. 

"Ruined, all ruined, by that stupid oaf." he choked out.

Grace changed out of her dress into her pj's, took her make off and went to make herself a cup of tea.  
She passed Loki's room and heard him crying.

She left him alone.

After about half an hour, she made him a cup of tea and knocked on his door. "Loki, I made you some tea."

She didn't hear a sound. She opened the door slightly. His lamp was on. "Loki." she whispered.

He was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"Loki, I've made you some tea. We don't have to talk about what happened, but I just want to know you are okay."

Loki took the tea from her. "Thanks" he said, not looking at her

Grace sat quietly beside him on the bed while he drank his tea. She eventually stood up to leave. Loki grabbed her wrist, making her jump.

"Don't go." he said, looking at her, his eyes red and pleading.

She looked at him. He looked so lost and alone. He pulled her into his lap. "Please, don't go."

"I won't." she told him, shaking her head. "I'll stay."

Loki put his mug down on the floor, then wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Please stay." he said to her again, putting his face against her body and breathing in her scent.  
"Not just now... but always."

"I'll stay, Loki. I'll stay with you always."

She took his face in her hands and bent down to kiss his lips.

She moaned into his mouth. "Loki," she said, sighing, her eyes closed.

"Make love to me." she murmured into his mouth.

Loki growled and closed his eyes and lay back down on the bed and pulled her up on top of himself.

"Grace...I...I..." Loki said, breathing heavy.  
"Shh." she whispered.


	12. Chapter 12

They made love.

 

He was trembling. Trembling like he never had before. He never thought it could be like this.

He'd done it many times before. Maybe not including the love bit. Well, maybe just a couple of times, when he thought it was love.

But this... This was... There were no words to describe what this was.

  

It was like coming home, though no home he had ever known. He held Grace like his life depended on it. He looked into her eyes and saw his whole world. He never wanted to be anywhere else other than in her embrace.

 

As far as he's concerned she might as well have hung the moon in the sky for him. 

 

This was what he had been searching his whole life for. Was it? He just wanted to be loved. Loki wanted someone to love him for him, not for what he was before. 

Grace was his and he belonged to her. He let go of the past. Let go of all the hate. Let go of the guilt. It all just left him. 

He held his future in his arms. This was now. 

Yes, he'd had the women from the palace. He is a prince after all. He took them. They threw themselves at him. 

They were what he needed then. 

But he only had and only needed Grace now. He wasn't going to let her go. He wouldn't let anything or anyone screw it up for him. 

Frigga was there for him when he was a child. She was his angel then, when he needed it.

Grace was his angel now and he wasn't going to lose her no matter how wrong it was. 

He finally told her. 

 

"I love you, Grace." He managed to say.

He closed his eyes, trembling and kissed her. It was full of passion.

Loki was happy. He loved Grace. Grace loved him. 

There were shadows though... 

 

He knew Thor was always around. In the shadows. In the corner of his eye. Even though he never directly made his presence known, like the night at the restaurant. Just a couple of times, but not speaking to Loki.

Once when he left work one night and he glanced across the street and Thor was standing there. Loki froze and they just looked at each other for mere seconds, before Thor walked away around the corner.

The other time was when he was in the park with Grace.  
Thor walked past them. When Loki saw him coming toward them, he tried not to panic. His blood running cold suddenly. Loki looked away as his older brother passed by them, pulling Grace closer to him. He daren't turn around.

  

Whenever there was a thunderstorm Loki would flinch and get inside as quickly as possible.

Not Grace though.

She loved thunderstorms and had to be outside, which would make Loki very nervous.  
She would laugh at him, while Loki frowned at her and shook his head. Then she would apologise to him and kiss him on the nose, giving him her best puppy dog eyes, so he had to forgive her.

If only she knew what thunderstorms meant to him.

He knew Thor was saying, I'm here, Loki. I'm watching you, Loki. Keep your wits about you, Loki.

Thankfully Shield hadn't made their presence known to him. Thor mustn't have told them. Loki would have known all about it if he had.

He was thankful to Thor in a way he couldn't understand. He would try and work it out but he gave himself a headache. 

 

So this was Loki's life. He was happy. Grace made him happy, even though there was shadows. Weeks went by.

 

But... Was she about to make him...?


	13. Chapter 13

Both of them living together blissfully...

  

Loki woke. Grace wasn't there. He heard her in the bathroom. He then realised she was throwing up in the bathroom. He got up to go and help her.  
She was kneeling on the floor.

"Oh, honey." Loki said, as he bent down to help her.

"Loki." she groaned, when she heard him. He rubbed her back.

She then threw up again. When she was done he stood up, got a cloth, wet it and handed it to her so she could wipe her face. He lifted her up to take her back to bed. 

"I can't go to work. l need to text Lilly and let her know.

"I'll do that" Loki told her, as he laid her on the bed and pulled the covers over her. "Would you like some tea?"  
"Yes please, with some honey." 

He kissed her forehead and left her to get her tea.

Grace lay in the bed, thinking. 

Loki came back with her tea.

"Lilly hopes you feel better soon and not to worry and she will text you later. Here's your tea. Do you feel better?" he asked her. 

"A bit thanks." 

"What do you think has caused it?" Loki asked, feeling her forehead to see if she had a fever.

  

"I don't know. Probably just something going around." she said, actually lying to him. She knew exactly what it was.


	14. Chapter 14

Loki was in the living room lying on the couch reading. She'd just finished loading the dishwasher. It was about 9pm. She watched him from the kitchen. How did she get so lucky to find him, she thought. He didn't realise he was being watched. His black hair, getting long again. He had just showered having finished a shift at Sam's Place, so it was slightly damp. He was in joggers and an old t-shirt. His long legs stretched over the arm. He took her breath away, even looking like this. He liked to read for a bit just to unwind. Either that or draw. Tonight it was reading. 

She took a deep breath and walked over to him and sat down beside him. She had to tell him soon. It had been weeks. She would be showing soon. And... If he wasn't happy... Time was running out. 

"Loki, I have something to tell you."  
Loki closed the book and laid it down beside him suddenly feeling slightly worried.  
"What's wrong hun" he asked her.  
"Nothing is wrong. I just need to tell you something." 

She paused thinking about how she was going to tell him, which led to Loki really getting worried. 

"Honey." Loki said, grabbing her hands, "just tell me." 

"Loki" Grace started again "We are in this for the long term, yeah?" 

Loki looked at her confused. "Yeah. I am. Are you?" 

"Yeah. I am Loki. I love you. I love you so much."  
"I love you too, hun." Loki told her. "But please just tell me. You're scaring me."

She paused again, looking at him.  
He really did look worried. She took a breath, then said... 

"I'm pregnant. We are going to have a baby." 

Loki froze. Whatever she was going to say, he didn't expect that! 

Loki said nothing. His hands getting tighter around her hands till she had to say "Loki you're hurting my hands."

"Oh." Loki said, letting her hands go but saying nothing more.

He sat there in shock. 

"But you said you were okay. You know..." gesturing to her.

"Well, I was, then various things happened and I stopped. Then I met you and I was going to start again. I did eventually, but not in time. Then, that first time we... well we didn't use anything extra or any time after that and I'm sorry. I know I've been stupid but, if you want me to do something about it..."

"What do you mean?" Loki cut her off. 

"Well have a..." Grace said. 

Loki cut her off again, before she said it, suddenly realising what she meant.

"NO!" he shouted "NO!" Jumping to his feet. "No." he said, a little quieter, shaking his head. "No."

He realised he was looming over her and fell to his knees in front of her and wrapped his arms around her waist.  
"No, please don't." he pleaded to her." It's our baby, please don't." 

She stroked his head. "Loki, l won't. I was so scared to tell you. I thought you would be angry." 

"Angry? No. I'm shocked, yes, but not angry. I love you and now I love you both." 

Grace breathed a sigh of relief.

"Loki" she said. "I love you so much."

He took her face in his hands and kissed her passionately.


	15. Chapter 15

Loki and Grace woke wrapped up in each other.  
She was going to work early. He was going to work later.  
Meeting back home at about 7pm.  
The both of them were well and truly in love. Even more now there was going to be three of them. 

 

"There is a letter for you." Grace told Loki. "It looks important."

Loki looked at the letter. He immediately recognised the King of Asgard's own ivory parchment and his seal. He frowned. A letter, really? Odin thought he was dead. Thor was always in the shadows, he could just speak to him. Thinking about it though, he hadn't really seen him or felt his presence much lately. 

He picked it up and looked at his name written in beautiful script across the envelope.  
Loki Laufeyson. With the apartment address underneath. He frowned at it and shook his head. 

Grace busied herself in the kitchen getting dinner ready. She called in to Loki. "Pasta ok, hun?"  
"Yes." Loki called back. "Great, thanks."

Loki sat down, staring at the letter. A million things going through his head.  
'Just open it Loki' he thought to himself, sighing. He carefully opened it and pulled out the paper inside. He unfolded it slowly and started reading.

 

My dearest Loki,

I am writing to let you know the announcement was made that King Odin of Asgard passed away.  
As per royal protocol, the King's first born will succeed him as king.

Loki, this has taken place with a quiet coronation, without celebration or fanfare.  
Asgard is in a period of mourning for the former King of Asgard, which will be followed by a short period of rejoicing over the newly crowned King of Asgard.

Yours sincerely,  
Your beloved brother,

Thor, King of Asgard.

 

So Odin was dead.

Loki suddenly felt numb. His blood running cold. His mouth dry. He tried to swallow. His chest felt tight. He was trembling, as he read the letter three more times. 

He felt numb, but slowly relief started to creep over him, but at the same time, all the hate and hurt slammed into him as well. He looked over at Grace. Her back was to him. He tried to control his breathing. Not wanting to hyperventilate. Not wanting to panic her. 

He was free now from the hate, but he had never really dealt with it, only put it out of his head.

Now it slammed back in, forcing him to now deal with it, but did he want to. Maybe he should just try and get his head around the news and then forget his tormentor forever.

He sat thinking for a moment, then took a breath, got up and walked over to Grace. He put his arms around her waist, kissed her on her neck and ran a hand over her growing stomach.

I'm going to lie down if you don't mind, I'll give dinner a miss. He said to her. 

"Was the letter bad news?" Grace asked him.

"It's from my adopted family. Can I tell you later?"

"Of course." she said, kissing his cheek.  
"I love you." he whispered, she could see he was close to tears.  
"Go lie down Loki, I'll be fine."

Loki went into the bedroom and closed the door and slid down onto the floor and sobbed. He clamped his hands over his mouth to muffle the sobs. He really wanted to and needed to scream. But he didn't. He didn't want to frighten Grace. 

 

He wasn't crying for Odin. He was crying over all that hate he had to live with for years, which was flooding back in waves.  
Odin never loved him. He could never live up to what Odin expected of him. He tried and tried for years. He never would have. He didn't know what he had expected from him.  
Taken to be used as a pawn, but never used. Finding out years later who he really was.

 

He was also crying for Frigga who should never have died that day. Odin should have been there, not her. The guilt over that coming back to destroy him again. 

 

He eventually got up and laid on the bed, pulling the blanket over himself, emotions racing through his head.

He realised that he was grateful to Odin for finding him and adopting him into his family, because without that he would never have had Frigga as his mother. She, who was one of the most beautiful woman he had ever known, both beautiful, inside and out. That was all he felt for Odin.

Maybe Odin had grown jealous of Frigga's love for Loki and that is why he grew to hate Loki. Then, of course there was the differences between him and Thor. In all ways, that was not his fault, but Frigga tried her hardest to shield him and protect him and show him that even though he was different he could still shine and be proud of his abilities.

Yes, he had to admit he was grateful to Odin, but he hated him to his very core. He was never a father to him and Loki wasn't going to follow his example in how to be a father.

Loki eventually fell asleep, emotionally exhausted. His nightmares returning. 

 

He woke with a start during the night and found Grace curled up next to him.  
He turned over and drew her into his arms.

"I love you both." he whispered, as he kissed the top of her head and fell back to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Grace was curious.

'Adopted family?' she thought. 'How was he homeless if he had family.'  
It worried her a little, but she knew he would tell her in his own time.  
But... How did they track him to here, her apartment. That scared her. She had so many questions.

 

She found him asleep in bed. She knew he had been crying, but now his face was calm with sleep. He was so beautiful. His pale skin. His black hair.

The letter was discarded on the floor. She picked it up and resisted the urge she had to read it, but put it on his bedside table. She watched him for a moment before she climbed in beside him and curled up next to him seeking his warmth.  
One thing she knew for sure, she loved him and she wasn't letting him go. Not now he was going to be her baby's father. She only had him now and one trusted friend. 

 

They had nowhere to be the next day, both pleased to have the day free from work.  
Loki woke first. Grace still curled up next to him. Her head on his chest. He suddenly remembered the letter. He looked round, then saw it on the bedside table. He closed his eyes, thinking about how he was going to explain it all to her when he fell asleep again.

 

When he next woke Grace wasn't there. She came into the room with two mugs of tea.

"You want to talk, Loki?" she asked him.

He sat up and she handed him his tea. He looked at her and nodded. He took a sip...  
'Mmm.' he thought and smiled. She'd put honey in it. She always did when she felt he needed some tlc.  
She took a sip of hers, then got back into bed. Both of them getting comfy together. She lay against him, his arm around her stroking her hair while he told her about his adopted family.

 

About Frigga and Odin. He told her in a way she would understand.

 

"They had me from a baby. I had been abandoned by my birth parents. So I never knew who they were. I didn't find out I was adopted until I was 18. After that things just went from bad to worse."

"I loved my mother" he told Grace. "And she loved me like I was her own, like she had bore me herself."

He drank his tea, comforted with the sweet warmth.

"She tried to shield me from shadows my supposed father cast.  
I didn't know what he expected from me. I tried to please him, but I couldn't live up to his expectations.  
He wanted me to be more like my brother. He was strong and liked to be outside and worked with father in the family's company. He wanted to do this.  
We were both home schooled. I wanted to read in the library and study or be with mother in her garden and draw and eventually go to university to study. She gave me sunshine. She helped me reach my potential in ways father didn't. She highly praised me when I did well, but he favoured my brother more.

The golden son.

I think he grew jealous of me, with mother spending a lot of time with me. I think she worried that I wouldn't feel I belonged, even though I didn't think there was any reason not to.  
He hated me and that hate grew.

Then he told me one day out of the blue after a huge row that I wasn't his son and it all made sense. Mother was horrified at him and she constantly tried from then on to reassure me of her love. I admired her for it, but things were never the same after that. I truly loved her, but I was always waiting for her to stop loving me too."

Grace didn't react just listened patiently.

"Then there were some people in a rival firm, who tried to cause trouble with his company, because of father's dirty dealing. They were looking for him the day mother died. She wasn't meant to be with him that day.  
They called at the house looking for him and I answered and told them he was at his office. They had threatened him. They only wanted to scare him, but one of them pulled out a gun and mother got caught in the crossfire.  
He blamed me of course because I sent them to his office. Of course he would.  
Things were terrible after that. He tolerated me for a few more years, then told me I wasn't worthy to be in his family. Then he eventually told me to go. And he sent me away with no place to go and penniless."

 

Loki didn't cry. He had had enough of crying. He just didn't have the energy anymore.

 

 

"The letter I got is from my brother. He told me father has died and I can probably go home now.  
I've seen my brother a few times. He eventually tracked me down. He has always begged me to go home.  
He was there the night at the restaurant. That's why I was angry.  
He wanted to know who you were. I told him you are my family."

Loki looked at her and smiled.

"So I have you now and our baby, so I don't need anyone else, not even him."

 

They laid there together quietly.

'Family.' Grace thought, 'yes they were.' Loki now the only family she had. She thought about her own parents who died in a car accident when she was a child.


	17. Chapter 17

They eventually decided to get up get up have a bath together and breakfast, then went to the park for a walk and a picnic.

 

Nothing really exciting happened to them both for a while.  
Grace got bigger and even more beautiful.

Life was reading baby books. Buying baby stuff. Turning the spare room into a nursery.

 

Loki stood there one day painting the walls and thinking how did his life get here. From living in a palace in Asgard to a prison cell, then homeless and living on the streets.  
Then thanks to Grace, this was once his room and now here he is painting walls for a baby. His baby. Her baby. Their baby. 

It was absurd really when he thought about it, Prince of Asgard or King of Johtuheim, however you wanted to look at it, painting walls. And not just that, but in a small apartment.

He was just Loki now.

Happy of course. Much happier being just Loki. No drama like in his life before. And soon to be a Father. But, there were worries niggling him. He couldn't shake them off. 

He laughed out loud. Grace looked at him.  
"What's funny?" she asked.

"Oh nothing." he said. "Just funny how I used to sleep in this room thanks to you and now it's going to be a nursery for our baby. I didn't see that one coming." 

"That's not funny Loki, that's lucky." Grace told him. "Ha! Maybe you've got the right name after all." 

"Yeah." he said, agreeing with her, "but..."

"No buts, Loki." She laid her paintbrush down so she could put her arms around his neck and give him a kiss. "I love you Loki, so no buts." 

He looked down at her and smiled. A soft smile, happy, but tinged with sadness, worried this could all end. He pulled her into a hug. "I know." he whispered. 

 

Loki was getting melancholy again. It happened from time to time. Grace tried not to worry. She knew he was happy. She knew he loved her. He told her enough times. Even more now when her emotions were all over the place. He reassured her. He loved her. He was there for her. He was never going to leave her. 

He would work through it himself, or talk to her about it... Sometimes... But it lingered there in the back of her mind.

 

Thor was no longer in the shadows. Busy being a king no doubt. He wondered how the stupid oaf was fairing without a wise adviser at his side. Maybe he had Heimdall. 

Loki also thought about Frigga. He missed her so much. She would have loved being a grandmother. She would have frowned over the fact Grace was a mortal, but she would be pleased her beautiful boy was happy and going to be a father. 

Loki would follow her example in how to raise a child. 

 

They spent most evenings on the couch together, not bothered about socialising outside of the apartment. Loki talking to Grace's tummy. Telling the little one tall tales of Kings, Queens, Princes, Princesses. Palaces made of gold. Far away realms. 

Grace would laugh. "Quite the story teller you are, my love." She would tell him. 

While the baby approved with little excited kicks which sometimes caught Loki in the jaw, if he got too close.

Loki would remark, "Quite the warrior you are growing in there, my dear."

 

Loki loved spoiling Grace. His beautiful girl. He would bring her tea and breakfast in bed. He would give her foot rubs and neck massages. He wasn't just her Norse God, he was her Prince now, too. 

 

Everything was amazing. Or it would be if things were more perfect. Grace was both excited and nervous.

But Loki had a horrible feeling that something terrible was going to happen. Odin may be dead, but he still had the power to ruin his life or destroy it.

It was getting near to the time of the little one's arrival. Loki was feeling nervous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh poor Loki. Will he ever be free from his demons.


	18. Chapter 18

Loki definitely didn't feel like working today. Iris was visiting her son, so he felt obligated to be there, to help her out. He left Grace with strict instructions to call him and he would shut the diner immediately. It had gotten quiet so he sent the other staff home. He was now on his own, with no customers, cleaning up and just had another hour to go before he closed for the night.

 

Of all the people to walk into the diner that evening he never expected it to be Tony Stark. 

 

It was near to closing anyway and Stark didn't think anything of it as he flipped the lock and turned the sign to closed.

Loki came from through the back to attend to the late customer and stopped dead in his tracks and froze when he saw Stark.

They looked at each other, neither of them speaking.  
In that time, Loki's stomach started churning. His mouth went dry. He tried to swallow. Loki didn't want to admit to it but, he was scared.

Oh, how the tables had turned. He had tried to kill this man at one point, had put him through a window.  
And. Now. Now. Tony Stark was standing in front of him with the potential to get revenge and destroy the life he has made here. 

 

"Well, well, well, just what do we have here, Reindeer Games?" Stark asked him. Sarcasm and disgust dripping from his voice.

"What do you want?" Loki practically whispered. Trying hard to control himself and not show he was scared.

Well, your brother was looking for you and he came to me and I picked you up on my radar and when he found you he asked me to say nothing and do nothing. But it has been eating away at me and I just had to look you up and see for myself just what was going on."

Stark was slowly walking from the door to the counter as he spoke, looking around the diner.

"So you are working here? Not really asking the question, merely making a statement. But he looked at Loki and raised an eyebrow.

Loki just nodded.

"Mmm." Stark said rolling his eyes, looking around again.

He then walked behind the counter so he was standing in front of Loki, hands in his jeans pockets and looking up to him.

"Your brother also told me you were not responsible for what happened the last time you were here and that you had been tortured in a dungeon without a trial, which I suppose..." he smirked, "Isn't really fair."  
At saying that he shrugged his shoulders.  
"And apparently it was so bad, bad to the point you faked your death to escape."

Loki looked down at him and said nothing.

Stark then took his hands out of his pockets and Loki flinched.  
He once again smirked at Loki, shaking his head.

He then grabbed around Loki's throat with one hand. Loki jumped and instinctively grabbed Tony's arm and tried to pull back, trapped between Stark and the wall.

"You know I could put you through that window. But really what would be the point. All I would have is a big mess to clear up and my ass kicked by a demigod. Plus, he told me you have a girlfriend here and a pretty good life."

He paused, looking Loki right in his eyes.

"So I'm going to keep my mouth shut and leave you in peace. But I will be watching you. You put one foot out of line and I, oh and Shield and the rest of the team will be down on you like a ton of shit."

Stark squeezed his hand tighter.

Loki said nothing, just making sure he could still breathe.

"Clear?" Stark asked.

Loki nodded.

At that he let go of Loki's neck and looked at him as if to say I dare you.

Loki didn't move.

Stark then moved to leave, knocking some mugs from a table Loki hadn't got round to clearing onto the floor. They didn't smash but the noise they made clattered through the silence making Loki jump.

Stark continued to stare at him as he walked backwards toward the door. He then unlocked it and left.

Loki let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Then he felt his legs give way under him and he sat down on the floor where he was and didn't move for ages. He leaned back against the wall. His hands fisting in his hair. Eyes closed. Seething. Angry with himself for letting some punk who thinks he's something special get to him. All because he has the power to. 

He realized he was shaking, until he finally managed to move himself to get up and go check the door was locked, pick up the mugs, put the lights out and leave by the back door. Still scared that Stark or others was still lurking.

 

 

He went straight home. Slamming doors once he got there. Not talking to Grace at all. He showered, trying to wash the dread away.

Then he went straight to bed. In the spare room. He didn't know what he was thinking. He just needed to be alone. Thankfully the bed was still there. It hadn't been replaced yet by the crib. Or he didn't know what he would have done. He would have had to face Grace.

But she wanted to know what was going on anyway. Of course she would. He was stupid to think he could just ignore her. So she came in asking what was wrong. He told her nothing was wrong.

She insisted. "There is Loki. Tell me."

He yelled at her. "There is nothing wrong! I'm tired! Please just leave it Grace!"

As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted it.  
He sighed and looked at her with sadness in his eyes, shaking his head.  
She got the point and left him. He saw her trying to hold back tears that were threatening.

He pulled the blanket over himself and his body and mind just crumbling into overwhelming emotion again.

He was scared. Was it all going to come out who he really was? What would happen? He couldn't lose Grace, he just couldn't. 

'Can people not just leave me alone.' he thought.


	19. Chapter 19

His nightmares returned with a vengeance tonight. Damn you Stark.

 

They were all there. Of course they were all there. Taunting him.

The saviours of the universe. Ha!

It wouldn't be enough to terrorise Loki, unless, at last, they were all there in his head.  
Trying their hardest to drive him out of his mind.

"No! No! No! Please!" He screamed. 

Even the Hulk smashing him into the floor had to make an appearance.

He screamed at them again. It wasn't his fault. How many times did he have to scream it wasn't his fault. No. They just stood around him laughing.

Odin was there in the centre. As always. This time he had his baby in his hands and was taunting Loki with the newborn. He was going to kill the child in front of him as penance for all the grief Loki had caused him. Loki was chained and held back by guards, so he was helpless. All he could do was scream and beg Odin, while he laughed in Loki's face.

"Father! No! No! No! Please! No!" He begged. 

 

Grace woke to him screaming and came to help him. She found him in the corner of the room on the floor. Shaking. Crying. Thrashing. His eyes were wide but he was still locked in the nightmare. She touched him and he thrashed out at her. She was scared of getting hit. She eventually managed to wake him. Loki was distraught.

"The baby!" he screamed. "The baby!"  
"Hush Loki, the baby is fine." she reassured him.

He lay crying in her arms. Clinging to her. Trembling. Apologising to her over and over and begging for her forgiveness for being a burden.

All she could do was hold him and soothe him until he calmed down. She pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around them both and they eventually fell asleep on the rug.

 

He woke when the sun started to filter through the blinds and caught his eyes. He was exhausted after the rough night. He looked around and realised they were on the rug on the floor. He couldn't work out how they ended up there. He knew Grace couldn't stay on the floor though. He picked her up and carried her through to their bed and laid her down covering her with the blanket. He kissed her forehead and left her sleeping.

He had to go to work, so he had a long shower to try and wash away last night's ghosts.

 

Grace woke up in her own bed. She heard the shower going.  
'Oh.' she thought.  
She decided to get up to get breakfast going for them both.

Loki smelt coffee. He was going to try and sneak away to work. But now he couldn't. Now he was going to have to face her and explain last night.

He dressed and sheepishly went into the kitchen. He got a coffee and sat down. He really needed a lot of coffee this morning. His head was pounding. 

Grace looked at him, but said nothing. Loki looked at her over the brim of his mug as he took a mouthful. She laid eggs in front of him and two asprin. He looked at the plate and swallowed. He tried to avoid screwing up his face at it. He was going to have to force it down or he would be in trouble.

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

Grace took his hand. "Loki, something triggered last night. Can you think of anything?

He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. But he knew very well it was Stark. But he couldn't tell Grace that.

"Loki, you need to talk to a professional about it.  
"What your father did to you. You living on the streets and all you've experienced in your life. All the stress and trauma it caused. It's still with you and affecting you through nightmares. You have to talk about it, deal with it and come to terms with it. We can't go on like this."

He looked at her shocked. "Can't go on?" Loki exclaimed. "You mean you want us to end?"

"No honey. I mean, with the baby coming we can't have the stress of what happened last night hanging over us." She explained to him gently. She loved him dearly, but he was so naive, living in constant fear of rejection. He looked at her like a sad, lost little boy and her heart went out to him. 

"Oh." Loki said, quietly. "Okay" and nodded his head, knowing he would be fighting a losing battle if he disagreed with her.

With that said Loki started pushing the eggs around and managed to force some down. Two more strong coffees later and he actually felt better. He hugged her and kissed her goodbye. "I love you." he whispered to her. "More than life."  
"What are you doing today?" he asked her.

"I'm going back to bed." she told him. Loki pouted at her.  
She pecked him on the nose. "Hurry back then." she teased him.  
He screwed up his nose and gave her another hug.

She smiled at him. "I mean it Loki, come home soon."


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.

She needed him.

She couldn't explain why, but she needed him.

She felt off, physical more so, but emotionally too. Had been for days now. A dull headache bothering her and tired, not to mention the bump really getting in the way.  
She felt like a beached whale. All he saw was beauty. He kept reminding her.

Although...

He wasn't helping with his outbursts and his own issues. She hated herself for thinking it. And she wasn't going to be cruel and tell him. She loved him too much to be that cruel. She had survived for so long alone and now she needed someone. Him.

She knew he needed her. He needed her desperately. And she needed to be the family he craved. The stability he needed. She could read between the lines though and there was more to him than he was letting on. She knew him enough now to realise that there were layers upon layers of him. And she felt she had only just touched the surface. 

It scared her but she had to learn to trust him. Didn't she...?

She didn't need to know what he was hiding, if he was hiding anything. But the more it went around her head the more she knew he was.

 

Loki left the diner early. He had a feeling, which he couldn't quite put his finger on. He couldn't shake it off. The fear. The suspicion. 

Thor wasn't around and Stark had thankfully stayed away. And Shield...? And the ghosts in the shadows...?  
They still scared him. And yet again he hated himself for feeling fear.  
A thought fleetingly went through his mind. Tell Grace the truth and convince her to move to Asgard. He rolled his eyes at that one. How desperate was he!

 

 

He came home to find Grace still in bed. She woke up when she heard Loki come in. She had a pounding headache and felt sick. She had slept on and off and had not found the energy all day to get up and get a drink or something to eat.

"Loki." she said as he came into the darkened bedroom. 

"I'm here." he whispered, as he knelt down beside the bed and smoothed her hair back from her face. 

"Loki, can you get me some tea please?" Grace asked him. I'm sorry..." Was all she said as she tried to sit up. 

 

The next thing she knew she was in a hospital room. Loki had dialled 911 as she had passed out and he couldn't bring her round. 

 

It all happened so fast, faster than Loki could think. He found himself in a private waiting room alone with no idea of what was going on. 

The doctor came in briefly and told Loki that Grace needed surgery as her blood pressure was dangerously high. It all happened so fast. 

He paced around the room running his hands through his hair in frustration. He was panicking. He couldn't lose her, not when he had at last found some happiness and peace. Peace. He so desperately needed peace. And. Someone who loved him like she loved him.  
He suddenly thought about Frigga. Was she punishing him? 

"Please mother." he whispered. "Please don't punish me, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

'No.' he thought, as he paced, feeling horrid at blaming Frigga. It suddenly dawned on him. 'This is Odin.' "Why?" he cried out. "Why?"

 

He couldn't think how long he was waiting for.  
A clock on the wall ticked by the seconds which turned into minutes all the while Loki paced.  
There was a window with a venetian blind slightly open and he stopped and glanced now and again to see the staff scurrying about. 

Suddenly, Lilly burst into the room.

"Loki, I just got off shift and heard. What happened?"  
"I don't know. I got home and found her in bed. Then she passed out and now we are here."

Lilly hugged him. "Don't worry. I'll see if I can find out what is going on. I know it's hard but, try not to worry." She told him, just as the doctor and a nurse came into the room.

"I'm sorry." Was all the doctor said and Loki cried. "No! No!

He felt he was going to fall down. Lilly caught him before he did and ushered him to the couch in the room.  
The doctor then went on to explain what happened and that they had saved the baby, a girl.  
All Loki heard was stroke, died and baby girl.  
Lilly got all the other information, then the doctor left them alone.

Loki sat on the couch trying to get his head around what he had just heard, feeling like he wasn't there in the room, like this was some out of body experience he was having.  
He then heard his name in the distance. When he forced himself back to reality he realised Lilly was speaking to him. "Loki?" She asked.

He looked at her, but not answering.

He attempted standing up and made it without falling.

"I need to see Grace." He said.  
"Yeah, yeah, okay." Lilly replied.

They walked out of the room, Lilly holding onto Loki's arm so he wouldn't bolt into the nearest room. 

Lilly asked a nurse quietly, where Grace was.

They were both led to a room further down the corridor. The nurse opened the door and let them in. The lights were dimmed. Grace was lying on a bed.

He walked to the bed and shook her gently. She looked so peaceful.

"Grace" he whispered. "It's me, it's Loki, wake up."

He shook her again. "Grace." he said, louder. "It's me, it's Loki, wake up."  
"I know you're scared Grace, but you need to wake up."

"We have a baby girl. You need to wake up to see her." She needs her mommy Grace."  
Loki pushed one of her blond curls behind her ear.

 

Reality suddenly slammed into him.

Grace was gone. She wasn't waking up. She would never wake up again. There was no magic to help him. This was human life. Fragile. Delicate. 

He broke down.

"No, Grace, no!" he cried.

Time seemed to stop and he couldn't breathe.

Lilly was suddenly at his side, holding him. 

He looked at her.

"Why...?" he asked.  
"I'm sorry." she said, shaking her head. "I'll give you some time alone. He stood by the bed, holding her hand. She looked so peaceful. So beautiful. 

He didn't know how long he was with her. The fact that now he has a daughter and he is now a father drifted into his mind, sending a chill of fear through his body.

He bent down to kiss Grace's forehead. "I will look after our baby." he whispered. "I promise." Thinking at the same time of the terror that fact brought to his mind. 

"I love you." was the last thing he said to Grace before Lilly came back into the room.

"Loki" she said, "when you are ready, I'm going to take you home. They are going to keep the baby here tonight. I'm going to stay with you until tomorrow, then we can come and collect her."

Loki was in shock and didn’t really hear any of what she said, but he found himself next in a cab. Then home.

She got him in the apartment, then into the bedroom, where she left him alone lying on the bed with a blanket over him.

She sat on the couch listening out for him. She eventually fell asleep.

She heard him crying through the night.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I saw Endgame. If you did let me know what you thought. Though trying to remain spoiler free so my dm's are open on twitter.  
> Lady Loki (@DunlopTracey)

The next morning Loki stumbled into the living room and past the couch, not noticing Lilly sat on it.

His head was pounding. He felt sick. He felt hungover and couldn't work out why. He was still half asleep and in a daze. He needed coffee. 

Thankfully, there was coffee brewed and he grabbed a mug and poured himself one, then sat down on one of the stools, to just try and wake up.

He took a mouthful, then gave it a puzzled look, then shot one at the coffee maker, feeling confused as the events of yesterday slowly started coming back to him. His blood ran cold, wondering if yesterday had all been a bad dream, before nearly jumping out of his skin when a voice said...

"Morning Loki."

He looked over to where the voice came from and tried to focus. 

"Grace?" he whispered.

Then the reality hit...

He stared blankly at the person sat on his couch, as he felt the blood rush out of his body. His head swam, his heart thumped in his chest, a wave of nausea crashed into him and he swayed on the stool. Then everything went black. He woke up on the floor having passed out.

"Grace." he mumbled, as he came round.

"No Loki, it's Lilly." She managed to get him sitting up and leaning against the cupboard door. She stood up and grabbed a teatowel and rinsed it under the cold tap and gently placed it against his head. He winced.

"When did you last eat Loki?"

"I don't know." Loki managed to say.

It took a few minutes, but eventually the colour slowly started to come back to Loki's face.

"Do you think you can stand?"

"I don't know." He gasped, yesterdays events rushing back into his head at speed. 

"Come on." She said as she helped him up and got him to the couch.

"Stay there and I'll make you breakfast." At the mere mention of breakfast Loki's stomach lurched and he ran to the bathroom and retched into the toilet. 

She got him some water, waited for him to come back into the living room, which he did a few moments later looking dreadful and gave it to him. "Drink this, slowly."

Then she started breakfast for them both. The smell making him feel sick. 

She laid bacon and eggs in front of him. Loki's face paled again. He closed his eyes and swallowed, desperately trying to keep down what was threatening to come up.

"Just eat what you can." Lilly told him.

He picked at the eggs and took a mouthful, while Lilly ate hers.

"I'm going to phone the hospital." she said, when she had finished.

"Please." He said, suddenly remembering he should be at work. "Can you also phone someone for me?" Loki said, looking around for his phone. He was meaning Iris. "Please just tell them what has happened and I will speak to them soon."  
"Yes, of course." Lilly reassured him.

 

Loki ate some more, but really just continued to push the food around the plate.

She came back in the room and told Loki that the baby was fine.

Loki said nothing, not reacting, not looking at her, staring at his plate. 

"I suggested and they are happy to keep her another night."

She waited for a reply, but Loki still said nothing.

"I got Iris. She said she's really sorry and will speak to you soon."  
"Thanks." Was all he mumbled.

He was starting to feel a little awkward, so he got up and took his plate into the kitchen, put what he hadn't eaten in the bin and put the plate in the sink. He walked back into the living room. Said thanks for breakfast and went to the bedroom and closed the door behind himself.

Lilly stood there, mouth open. This was definitely going to be hard. She sat back down on the couch. 

Loki didn't come back out of the bedroom until after dark. He looked dreadful. Eyes red rimmed. She had heard him crying. 

He made himself a cup of tea and feeling he should be polite, asked Lilly if she wanted one.

"Yes, please." she said.

He handed her the mug of tea, then went to go back into the bedroom.

"Loki" Lilly said. "The baby will be coming home tomorrow.

Loki stopped as she spoke, but didn't turn around. When she had finished speaking, he just stood there for a few seconds, then left, not acknowledging her at all.

He closed the bedroom door and lay on the bed. He pulled the blanket over himself and sobbed as quietly as he could, wishing death would take him too. Eventually he fell asleep, exhausted.

 

 

He woke the next morning. Head sore and feeling sick. He knew what was happening but he didn't care.

He heard Lilly move about the apartment. He lay listening to her until he heard the front door close.

He got up and went to the bathroom. He looked in the mirror.

A mess looked back at him. Hair all tangled. Red rimmed eyes. Black circles under them.  
He decided to have a shower, considering it had been a couple of days.

He got a coffee first and brought it into the bathroom with him.

He just stood under the hot water for ages before he did anything. Leaning his forehead against the wall. Thinking. He could smash his head against the wall. Try and end it.  
"Ha!" He shouted. "You're a god, you stupid idiot!"  
Then another thought went through his head. The problem of eventually having to tell Grace the truth about himself was solved. He started laughing. Shaking his head. Then dissolving into tears yet again. 

Then he thought he heard the front door. Shaking him out of his thoughts. 

'Oh hell' he thought.

He quickly washed, got out, dried off and wrapped the towel round his waist. Then opened the door tentatively, saw the coast was clear and quickly went into the bedroom. He got dressed and stayed in the room, sitting on the bed listening.

He heard Lilly speaking.

Then he heard it...

The baby crying....

 

His stomach lurched...

His chest tight...

He couldn't breathe as sheer terror enveloped him...

 

And now... now he was trapped in the bedroom.


	22. Chapter 22

'No.' he thought, 'you can do this. Just go out there. It's your apartment, for Norns sake. Go out there and ignore them.

Loki took a deep breath, composed himself and opened the door.

He walked out and into the living room. "Morning Loki." she said.

He glanced at Lilly, but quickly looked away. He saw enough to know she had a pink blanketed bundle in her arms. He didn't look again, but he felt something in the pit of his stomach. It surprised him. He wanted to look. Oh how he longed to look. To just glance back to Lilly and just drop his eyes down and look. 

"Loki you seem much better. Do you want to hold her?"

The words hit him. He swallowed hard. He did glance back to Lilly, but with a look of terror across his face. "No" he choked out, sounding strangled. "I'm...I'm, just getting breakfast."

He needed to be quick, so cereal it was then and more coffee, then back to his room.

 

'Stupid.' Lilly thought. 'I shouldn't have asked him if he wanted to hold her. So stupid.'

Loki closed his door.

He felt, suddenly sick. Nausea creeping up his throat. 

He put the plate down on the bedside table. Hands trembling and took a mouthful of coffee, then laid on the bed and pulled the blanket over himself.

He knew it was guilt, as he descended into sobs yet again.

Grace would have been shocked.

Frigga would have been appalled at his behaviour.  
I did not bring you up to act like that, he heard her say.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he sobbed and pulled the blanket over his head.  
He felt so ashamed. "Please forgive me. Please. Please just make it go away."  
The guilt slamming into him over and over again.

 

The truth of the matter was Loki was terrified. It was so stupid. Him! A Prince and at one time held power in Asgard.

Once he had got over the shock of Grace being pregnant, then the terror of becoming a father hit him. But he knew he could do it, with Grace there supporting him.

But now, now...! 

The terror gripped him and turned his insides to cold hard stone.

 

He eventually calmed down and was drifting in and out of sleep when Lilly knocked on his door.

Loki jumped at the intrusion.

"Loki I need to go to the store. Can you come out and watch the baby please?" 

Silence. She knocked again. "Loki?"

"Can't you take the baby with you?" Loki replied, trying to think fast in his wearied state. 

"No, that's not fair Loki, I will be quicker without her. She is sleeping. I should be back before she wakes."

"Fine." Loki snapped. "Give me a minute."

Loki pulled himself together and walked into the living room, face like thunder. He sat down heavy on the couch.

"She shouldn't wake till I get back, I won't be long."

He didn't even look at Lilly or the baby.

"Fine." he snapped again.

He wanted to say don't be long, but he didn't want to push his luck.

 

He sat there in a huff. Arms folded across his chest. 

It was quiet. He could hear the baby. Little snuffling noises coming from the crib. He closed his eyes, relaxed and let the sound wash over him. He listened for ages. He had to admit to himself, it was a beautiful sound. 

He then opened his eyes. He couldn't see in the crib from where he was sitting, but eventually he moved forward a little, just so he could peek over the top of it. He moved just enough so he could see black hair. "Oh" he said out loud. 

Then Lilly came back. He jumped and grabbed a magazine from the coffee table and started flicking through it.

"Hey." Lilly said, as she came into the living room.  
"Mmm." Loki huffed back, sarcastically.  
"How is she?" Lilly asked him.  
"Fine." Loki replied. "Can I go now? he asked, standing and throwing the magazine back on the table.  
"Em, can you put the groceries away please?" 

Loki sighed and rolled his eyes. "Fine." he said through clenched teeth and went into the kitchen to do the task.

Lilly had got baby supplies. Some baby food, which she knew would be needed in a few months and he read the labels of the little jars as he put them in the cupboard.

Then there was a large container of baby formula.

He was standing reading the instructions when Lilly came in and caught him, well he felt he had been caught. He quickly put it in the cupboard with the jars.

"Tea, Loki?" she asked him.  
"Yes, thanks." he replied, as she switched the kettle to boil.

"Loki." she said, a little reservedly.  
"Hmmm." Loki replied, absently getting two mugs out.  
"I, em, I...I have to go back to work in a couple of days." Lilly told him.

Loki froze. He felt his stomach lurch as he put the mugs on the counter. He turned to her, forced a smile out and managed to choke out "Ok."

Then he walked back into the living room, trying to escape, stopping in front of the crib, almost forgetting it was there, nearly running into it.

He looked down at the baby... His daughter, jet black hair against a white blanket, eyes closed. Sleeping. Peaceful. Beautiful. His...daughter. 

He stood staring. His mouth open. Suddenly, he couldn't move, his body paralysed. He couldn't breathe. His chest felt tight. He heard a loud strangled noise, which he later found out had come from him. Then, everything went black.

He woke up with Lilly leaning over him shouting and shaking him.  
"Loki! Loki!"

"Wha...what...?" he breathed.

He was just about breathing normally now.

"You passed out. Can you sit up?" she asked.

He lay there staring up at her, thinking about it, then looked around and realised he was on the floor.

"The...the baby screamed!" Loki gasped, panicking, pointing to the crib. 

"No, that was you." Lilly told him. "The baby is asleep.

"Oh." Loki sighed, feeling stupid, then tried to sit up with Lilly's help. He leaned against the couch.

"Loki, I know you're scared, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Loki looked at her, then looked at the crib, then burst into tears.

"Oh Loki." Lilly said and put her arms around him. He sobbed on her shoulder. She gently rubbed his back.

"No, no, no." He said sobbing.

Once he'd calmed down a bit, he got up and sat on the couch. 

"I don't know what to do." Loki admitted to her.  
"But you read all the books together. Grace told me.  
"Yeah, but I didn't expect this."  
"I know, I'm sorry. How about we start with you holding her."

Loki said nothing. Lilly looked at him. A look of fear and panic on his face.  
"Loki, you are over thinking it." Lilly told him.

She went to the crib. Just then, her phone rang.

"I'd better get that first." It was the hospital.

 

"Loki, I'm sorry I have to go. There is an emergency at the hospital. Everyone has been called in. 

"But...but..., what do I do?" he asked, panicking. 

"She's sleeping now. She's fine. Relax Loki. Read one of the baby books and you will remember it all. I'll be back as soon as I can. There are bottles made up in the fridge you just need to heat them up. I'm sorry. I've got to go."

 

With that she left, leaving a stunned Loki sitting on the couch.


	23. Chapter 23

Thor was relaxing in his chambers when there was a knock on the door.

"Enter." Thor commanded.

The door opened and his servant entered and bowed.

"Yes?" Thor asked.  
"Your Majesty" his servant said. "Heimdall requests your presence."

"Thank you" Thor replied. "Tell him I have retired for the day and I will see him tomorrow."  
As much as Thor was a kind man, the young boy was greatly intimidated by the King.  
He took a breath and swallowed.

"Your Majesty. I...I. Your Majesty." Thor looked at the nervous boy. He took another breath and managed to proceed.  
"Heimdall demanded I tell you he requests your presence immediately and I was to wait to make sure you came. Immediately."

Thor sighed. "Fine. Thank you boy. Wait for me in the corridor."  
"Yes, Your Majesty." The boy said and bowed to Thor and stepped outside Thor's chambers and stood waiting for him.

Thor wondered what could be so urgent and somehow his thoughts drifted to Loki.

About five minutes later Thor opened the door.  
He thanked the young servant and dismissed him.  
"Your Majesty." the boy said. Bowed and left.

Thor made his way to the Bifrost.

"Heimdall, my friend, what requires my urgent attention this evening?"  
"Your Majesty." The gatekeeper replied. 

"Heimdall, please it's Thor. We have been friends long enough to let formalities drop."  
"Thor. I'm afraid it's Loki."

Thor sighed and rolled his eyes. "Oh. What has my stupid brother done this time? Hopefully not attempted or committed mass genocide."

"No, Loki has been living quietly with his mortal. But, she has had a baby girl."  
"Oh." Thor said, surprised at the news.

"The sad and urgent news is," Heimdall continued. "Loki's mortal died in childbirth and he is left with the infant."

"Oh no, Loki, no." Thor said, his heart suddenly breaking for his brother.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think will happen?  
> Let me know. You sometimes make me change my mind from what was planned.


	24. Chapter 24

"This has happened very recently." Heimdall informed Thor. "And while Loki has had help from his mortal's friend, he is now on his own and he is not coping at all and you need to intervene before he comes under any radar."

"Thank you, my friend, I will arrange to leave this night and bring Loki and his daughter home."

Thor left Heimdall to make arrangements. He needed a maid servant to accompany him and he needed to inform the nursery Loki was coming home with a baby and prepare what was needed for the little one.

 

 

Loki sat helpless on the couch, crying, his head in his hands.

He had found one of the baby books and had quickly looked through it, but the information had not stayed in his head.

The baby... had started stirring about ten minutes ago.

Now, she was screaming in her crib.

He knew he should do something, feed her, comfort her at least.

He couldn't and he was being selfish, just thinking about his own needs, which were crying and needing Grace and just feeling helpless. But of course he couldn't be selfish anymore. That wasn't an option. He had a person that was solely relying on him for absolutely everything. He was also scared he would do it wrong. Which was ridiculously absurd. 

He put his hand in the crib and touched his daughter's cheek. She shuddered and stopped screaming. He then moved his fingers to her mouth and she started sucking on them. She quietened down, satisfied for just a moment, but when no milk came, she screamed again.

"Please stop. Please sweetheart, please just stop." Loki pleaded, crying and stroking her head. "Please, stop." He knew it wouldn't work and it was so cruel.

He was on his own for the first time. There was an emergency at the hospital and Lilly had to go in.

"I'll be back as soon as I can." She had promised. "There are bottles made up. You know what to do."

But he didn't know what to do. He couldn't remember. And so he was sat there getting more and more scared and crying.

'This is ridiculous.' he thought to himself. 'Just get a bottle. It will be a start.'  
So he did just that. He found one in the fridge and boiled the kettle. Filled a saucepan with the boiled water and put the bottle in it. He smiled while waiting, pleased he had remembered.  
He was trying to remain calm, but a screaming baby had other ideas and Loki was slowly getting agitated. 

He waited a few minutes then tried it by shaking some on his wrist. It was warmer at least.  
He went back in the living room and put the tip near her mouth. She shuddered again and started sucking on the bottle. But, not even half a minute went by and she stopped and pulled away and screamed again.  
The poor thing was just wanting to be picked up and held too. 

Loki sat back on the couch. Full bottle in his hand. He let it drop down on the couch beside him. He frustratingly ran his hands through his hair. The baby screaming. 

 

It was getting dark outside.

He heard a rumble of thunder in the distance. He flinched as he always did when he heard thunder. 

'Oh' Loki thought, lifting his head to look out the window. 'Thor. Come to gloat?' Those words always went through his mind when he heard thunder. But really knowing the fact, Thor wasn't around anymore. 

He stood up to look out the window and a bright flash of lightening filled the room along with a huge crash of thunder and suddenly Thor was standing in the apartment.

Loki jumped out of his skin. He stood and stared at him, once he managed to focus, saying nothing at first. Dumbfounded that his oaf of a brother was in front of him.  
The baby's screaming the only sound, not just hungry, but now scared at the thunder and lightening.

"What do you want?" he asked his brother, bitterness and sarcasm falling out of his mouth. Because Loki just didn't care anymore.

"You are both coming home, Loki." Thor told him. 

Loki just stood there, stared at him and said nothing.

Thor stepped forward and touched Loki's neck as he always did and drew him toward him. Loki didn't fight him, but he shook his head. Thor ignored Loki and continued to pull his brother toward him. Loki swallowed trying to fight the tears that were threatening. His head fell forward onto Thor's shoulder and he collapsed into tears again. At the same time saying.... "No Thor. No." 

Thor gestured to the maid servant with him to pick up the child, then wrapped his arms around his brother, whispering "Hush Loki. Just let me hold you, brother. I'm so sorry." 

Loki's legs gave out under him, as he sobbed in Thor's arms, trembling, clinging to his brother. "No, no, no, no." he protested.  
"Shh." Thor whispered. 

When Loki had calmed a little Thor sat them both down on the couch.  
Thor didn't let go of Loki. Now he had a hold of him he wasn't going to let go.

Loki didn't pull away from him, surprised at himself.

"Why would I go back to Asgard?"

"Loki, Asgard is your home..."

"You mean, your home!" Loki choked out the words, cutting him off.  
"Asgard was never home to me. I used to try constantly to figure out why. Why I felt different. Why I didn't fit in. Then we went to Johtuheim and I got the truth. Of course I had to force it out of Odin. But it all made sense after that."

He glanced at the maiden, nervous of exposing his feelings to more than just his stupid oaf, but she was sat in the other chair engrossed with the baby. He picked up the bottle and gave it to Thor to give to her.

"All the hate. All the shadows. You wonder why I let myself fall from the Bifrost? Odin said I wasn't worthy. He didn't love me. I admired Frigga for how she tried but she was fighting against both of you.  
Then falling into the hands of that mad man that wanted to take over the world. Oh, I was a fine pawn for him. He tortured me and sent me to New York. Then you and your heroes stepped up and killed him. But you blamed me for it all. Never let me explain any of it."

Loki unleashed it all onto Thor.

"Wise King Odin! Ha! Punishment without trial!"

"That's what you wanted! Lock me up! Whip me daily!

Then Frigga happened. Yes, I wanted vengeance but I also wanted to escape. Find peace.

Thor pulled him closer and Loki let his head fall on Thor's shoulder. Too exhausted to fight against him anymore.

"Don't Thor." Loki verbally protested weakly, crying.

"Just come home brother. Things will be different I promise. I love you and you need help. You have a child now and you are alone here on Midgard. I don't need to tell you, but that is a dangerous situation to be in."

It went quiet between them. Loki thinking, his eyes closed, while trying to catch his breath. He knew Thor was right. Anyone could see it.

Eventually, Loki spoke...

"All I ever wanted" he managed to say quietly, tears still falling. "Was you... to love me. And...and..." He paused, trying to control himself, realising he was breaking his pride. "Father too." He whispered it, so quietly, Thor just heard him.

Thor held Loki tighter. His heart broken over his younger brother.

Loki sobbed again. Over it all. All the grief catching up with him.

When he calmed down he said, "I don't have a choice, do I? I don't know what to do."

"Just come home. Let's not think about choices. Just let me take you home, Loki." Thor told him. "That's the first thing you do.Then we take it from there. Eira has the child."

"Freyja, her name is Freyja." Loki told them.

She had stopped screaming for now being held and comforted by the maiden. 

"Is there anything you want to take?"

Loki pulled himself together to collect a few things and put them in a bag.

The last thing he picked up was a framed picture of him and Grace. A walk in the park and ice cream. Silly times that day, ending with snaps taken at a photo booth and both of them laughing. Happy times. Gone now.

He sat down and wrote a note to Lilly telling her he was going home to his family. That his adopted father had died and he could go home now. He told her he was sorry he was leaving without seeing her and without her seeing the baby again. He told her he had named her Freyja. He also said she could do what she wanted with the apartment. He told her he knew she would be angry at him for leaving her to deal with the funeral, but she was the best person to do it. He thanked her for her help and that maybe they would see her again one day. 

He took one last look around the apartment. He knew he wasn't coming back. He knew if he stayed he could lose his daughter. Even if managed to look after her himself, it was possible, but it also may be impossible, there were too many things against him. Plus he had to think of Freyja's heritage. She would be safer on Asgard with, as Thor put it, her own people.  
He knew Thor was right. Loki didn't need it spelt out to him.

He looked at Freyja. "This was your first home little one" He said, as he stroked her head. "It was happy here once." 

He looked at Thor. We are ready. Thor smiled and nodded.

He raised his hammer. "Heimdall" he said and they all disappeared from the apartment and arrived back on Asgard.

 

"Welcome Loki." Heimdall said to him and welcome as well to the little one.

"Thank you." Loki replied.

"Let's get you both settled." Thor said, putting his arm around Loki's shoulders and leading him to the palace.

Loki gave Thor a small smile, suddenly feeling a warmth inside himself, like maybe everything was going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. As always, I would love it if you did.  
> I won't know unless you tell me with comments and/or kudos.


	25. Chapter 25

Thor put Loki into chambers he would keep free for visiting dignitaries.

Loki realised this immediately, following his brother to the part of the palace he was never usually in. At least he remembered not usually being in this part. But he didn't say anything to Thor, thinking his oaf had obviously matured since becoming King. Which was good because he really wasn't ready to see what had been done to his own personal chambers just yet.

Thor also made sure a servant had left some food for him.

Thor looked around and said "I hope this is satisfactory for you brother." Loki looked around and just nodded his head, saying nothing.  
Thor added "I'll see you in the morning then." And he left Loki alone.

Loki noticed a full bottle of Asgard's best wine was by the food.

He remembered those labels. Odin had to put his name on everything. There was a large golden goblet beside the bottle and he poured the wine until it was almost full and took a mouthful. The warmth slid down his throat. He closed his eyes and sat down on the bed. He was so tired. He thought about everything that has happened in the last few days. 

"Grace." he whispered.

She was gone. That was the reality.

He was back on Asgard. That was the absurdity.

He felt he should cry, but he just didn't have the energy.

How did he end up back here. Everything just happened so fast. One minute Grace was there, the next minute she was gone. His beautiful girl. His saviour. He couldn't get his head around it.

He took another mouthful of wine. It was good. It was slowly dulling everything.The warmth and numbness spreading out through his body. Just what he needed. He drained the goblet and got up and poured himself another one. He drank that one straight down.

'Another bottle.' he thought. That's what he needs.

He opened the door and looked up and down the corridor. He waited trying to remember what to do when he wanted something when a servant came by. A very young boy, practically a child. Another thing he had forgotten about Asgard, as soon as you were old enough you were sent to work in the palace. 

''Your Majesty?" The servant asked, rather nervously.  
"Can you get me more wine please?" Loki requested.  
"Yes, Your Majesty." The boy replied.

Loki went back into the chambers. 'Your Majesty?' he thought, scoffing. Rolling his eyes and shaking his head. 

He laid down on the bed and closed his eyes. The wine really was starting to make him feel more relaxed and like he didn't care.

 

He was just drifting off when there was a knock on his door. He got up and answered it. It was the servant. He stepped back and let him in. The servant placed the new bottle on the table. Turned to leave and bowed to Loki who was still standing by the door. Then left.

Loki watched this charade with amusement. He closed the door then went over to the table to pour more wine. He looked over the food, a selection of bread, meats, vegetables and fruits. He thought he better eat something, but quickly decided not to bother. The wine was working better than food. Loki downed another goblet full, then lay on the bed and closed his eyes. He was so tired. And the wine was pleasantly making him feel better. He was beginning to feel numb. Freyja was in the nursery, he didn't need to worry about her. He pulled the blanket from the bed over himself and fell asleep.

 

He woke through the night, disorientated. Then, remembering everything. It slamming back into him with brute force. But he fell asleep again, crying.

The second time he got up and finished the wine, while picking at the food. Now he was feeling hungry.

Finishing off the wine really was a bad idea as he fell into a deep sleep and his nightmares returned. They were all there. His tormentors. All culminating together. His screams echoing through the silent palace. Pain shooting through his body from the whippings. But it wasn't real.

Thor rushed in having decided to sleep in the room next door in case Loki needed him. And just as well he did.

Loki was sat upright. Eyes wide but still trapped in the nightmare. Thor threw his arms around him. Loki thrashed out, scared.

"Loki. I'm here. It's Thor. It's okay brother. I'm here. It's a nightmare. That's all."

"Thor?" Loki asked, confused, as he woke and focused on his brother, trying to work out where he was.  
"Grace? Please, where's Grace?" He choked out. He looked around.Then he remembered. His brain slowly registering he was not in the small apartment and Grace was gone. He looked at Thor, shaking his head, tears clouding his eyes again. The room spinning.  
"No, no, no, no..." he cried trying to push Thor away. 

"Shh, brother. You're home." Thor whispered, holding onto Loki, trying to comfort him.

Loki was shaking, sobbing, distraught.. There was no escape. His grief torturing him.  
"No, no, no, no..." he said over and over as Thor held him. 

Loki sobbed until he couldn't breathe. Then he eventually calmed. Exhausted, not having the energy to cry anymore. He fell back to sleep in his brother's arms.

Thor could do nothing, but be there for Loki trying to give him some comfort. It broke his own heart to see his younger brother like this. He loved him dearly and he just wanted to take away the pain. 

 

This was the start of many nights to come for Loki, until he was able to get control of his grief.

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At last a new chapter.

Loki's grieving would go on for as long as... 

Well, that was any ones guess...

Because, when Loki let his defensive walls down, which was never. Or, when someone broke them down and they managed to get in, which was never. Then...

Thor knew Grace had been a special person. Loki had let her in. 

Loki didn't let anyone in.

Thor spent years trying to get in. And failed. So, he just accepted Loki with as much as Loki was willing to give him. Which was crumbs, if he was lucky and he never was. 

Only now, was Thor seeing Loki laid bare before him because his younger brother was broken.

Grace must definitely have been like Frigga. As Loki was growing up, Frigga was the only one who knew him well. They had a special bond.  
Loki was Loki around Frigga. She had seen him at his best and at his worst and at his absolute most painful times in his life. And he let her. Because he worshipped the ground she walked on.

He would have been the same with Grace.

 

Now there was Freyja. 

Loki was a father and while he was allowed to grieve he really needed to pull himself together and deal with his responsibilities. 

Though Thor just couldn't slap him back into reality. That would be too cruel. He had to do it subtely. Make Loki think it was his idea. And while Thor really wasn't the greatest thinker, he really had to pull out all the stops with this particular problem. Only he could do it. His council advisers would be useless. 

Freyja. The beautiful new addition to the family. Thor found it a joy to be around her. 

She was growing fast and Loki was missing all the special occasions a new parent would definitely not want to miss. Loki didn't care. Loki was slowly hitting rock bottom.

 

Thor would sometimes give Freyja her bottle. He would also sometimes be there when it was her bedtime. This was something a King would never do, but Thor wouldn't miss it for all the nine realms. His wise council was in place. Everything was calm and he was available if he was needed.

 

Mostly Loki kept himself to himself. He was used to it. He had had plenty of practice keeping himself hidden from under Odin's radar.

He knew the people in the palace frowned on him being back too. He saw the looks. Heard the whispers. He resented it. He resented them. Or maybe he just resented the situation he found himself in. While Grace had never been part of his plan. Where he found himself now was definitely not part of his plan. So he stayed in the chambers Thor had provided or the library, now that Thor had unlocked it for him.

Some nights Thor would find him in the library. Loki's library. Frigga's library. Well it was theirs. They were the only ones who had used it. Loki and Frigga. The two intellectuals in the family. 

So more wounds being opened up. More memories. Books strewn about. Loki walking down the road to his past. More hate raked up and directed at Odin. 

Thor would find him passed out on a couch. On a chair. On the floor. Empty bottles beside him, Loki having found his way down to the bottom of each one, trying and failing to find solace from the reasons for his endless heartache.

Thor would dutifully pick him up and carry him to bed wondering when he would see an end to all this. Loki would sometimes wake and mutter a few incoherent words not even able to string a sentence together. 

Thor would climb in beside him. Hold him. Whisper comforting words to him. Tell him it would pass. That he would smile again.  
Loki would sob. At his loss. At his drunken state. He would beg Thor's forgiveness. Feeling ashamed.  
"I'm sorry." he would say over and over. "No, no, no." 

He would sob until he couldn't breathe. Until he exhaustively passed out in Thor's arms. Thor would then leave him to sleep it off only for Loki to wake late the next day ready to do it all again. 

It had to stop.

Thor was the only one to break the vicious cycle.

 

 

As long as Loki had been back on Asgard he had never seen Freyja. Not since the day they arrived. She had been well taken care of.  
He couldn't do it anyway. All he had done since he got back was cry and sleep, he hardly ate, but he would drink as much alcohol as he could to try and dull every feeling that rose inside him.

Oh yes, it dulled the pain, but it helped fuel the endless nightmares. Thor could instruct the servants to refuse Loki alcohol, but that would result in tantrums toward his staff and Thor wasn't going to put them through the distress. So he didn't..

So it would go on. Nights passed out in the library or waking in the chambers crying. For Grace. For Freyja. For Frigga. The guilt over the three females in his life tearing him apart.

Then he would scream at Odin. And relive past punishments and torture and whippings.

And Thor would be there to hold Loki and tell him he was safe. Freyja was safe. Odin wasn't there to hurt him anymore. Until he stopped sobbing, stopped trembling and then he would fall asleep in his arms, exhausted.

Thor couldn't stand it anymore. He hated seeing Loki suffer. But. He felt so helpless.

Whether Loki was indulging in his grief more than was necessary and he needed pulled out of it forcefully, Thor didn't know, but maybe it was up to him and only him, to do something about it and soon. Because really no one else could or would dare.

Maybe the last straw arrived for Thor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my readers out there. Let me know what you think.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. At last I'm here.  
> It's been summer here and writers block and wondering where this story is going.  
> Let me know what you think.  
> Thanks.

The noise echoed through the palace.

Glass smashing.

Loki was in the wine cellar, at first quietly getting drunk, having worked his way through enough bottles yet again to get there.

But now, Thor found him smashing full bottles against the wall and yelling at Odin.

"What are you doing!?" Thor roared at his brother.

Loki spun around with fright, so quickly, he staggered sideways.

"Brother!" Loki shouted at him. "Come join me!"

He lifted his arm, another bottle in hand, ready to hurl it at the wall when Thor stepped forward and grabbed his arm and shouted... "NO!!" to Loki.

Loki pouted at Thor.

"Aw... You!" Loki said swaying and placing his pointed finger on Thor's chest. "Spoil all the fun! Brother!"

Thor again said. "No!" firmly, looking Loki straight in his eyes.

Seeing Thor meant business, Loki gathered his courage. "Make me." Loki pushed, verbally and with his finger still pointed at Thor's chest.

Thor yanked the bottle out of Loki's hand. "No Loki." he said firmly, but quietly.

Loki flinched. His stomach lurched and a shiver went through his body. 

The words triggering the memory of when Odin said those very words to him just before he fell from the Bifrost.

"No. Loki." Thor said again, shaking his head. 

Loki stared at Thor, dumbfounded, those words echoing round his fuddled head.

Thor looked around at the mess and the waste.

"You are a disgrace Loki." he said quietly.

Loki dropped his eyes to the floor, trying to breathe, feeling like the blood had just rushed out of his body, still thinking about those two words. He clenched his teeth and swallowed hard, desperately trying to halt the fast approaching panic attack. 

Thor continued. "Yes Loki. You are a disgrace. By all means grieve brother, but this, this is a whole new level you have dropped to.  
You are a father Loki. Why don't you start acting like one, because right now you disgust me."

Loki swayed as he stepped back from Thor and sat down on the floor. His head in his hands. Ashamed with Thor's words. His heart thumping in his chest. 

"I'm sorry." he choked out in a whisper, frantically trying to get control of the situation he was in.

Thor turned to leave, but looked back and said, "And clean this mess up."

Loki looked up at him with tears in his eyes. "I... I'm sorry." he stuttered.

"Oh don't start with the tears again Loki, I'm fed up of them." Thor said to him, with not an ounce of remorse, as he saw the hurt spread across his younger brother's face. 

Thor then left him alone. He walked along the corridor then stopped. He felt a pang of guilt in his chest when he heard Loki crying. He spoke to one of the guards he passed and told him to fetch servants to clean up the mess.

 

Loki sat there. Thinking and sniffling and just trying to catch his breath and stop the pain that had started in his chest. 

He looked around at the mess, broken glass and wine everywhere. Yes, he felt ashamed. 

He was back on Asgard. He never wanted to be back here. He had nowhere else to go. And like Thor said, he had to think of Freyja. 

All the old memories dragged back up into his head. The ones he tried to forget. The ones Grace told him he needed counselling for. Of course that never happened. Other things got in the way. So he's back here facing it all again. Having to deal with what he had repressed. But now....

Now he was grieving for Grace. 

 

Yes, he was allowed to. He wasn't going to get her back. She was gone. Human life so fleeting. But he would have had to grieve her one day. Explain to her what he really was. She would have gotten older. Him immortal. Forever young or at least younger longer.

So Grace dying was added to the many things his head had to deal with. Issues he had tried to ignore. Issues he would never find peace with unless he dealt with them. And until he dealt with them he couldn't deal with Freyja. 

Truth was he couldn't do it. He didn't want to deal with Frigga's death or how Odin had treated him. He didn't want to deal with saying goodbye to Grace. 

But he had to do it. Didn't he?

So he sat there wondering what would happen next..

 

Yes, the final straw had arrived. 

Thor had had enough. 

Loki's grieving was turning into anger and Thor couldn't and wouldn't have in in the palace. 

 

He sat there, his head in his hands, sniffing...

Till he heard a noise and someone clearing their throat and he looked up to see three servants standing there with brooms and buckets.

"Oh." Loki said, embarrassed and stood up and got out of their way.

'Thor must have sent them.' he thought.  
He sighed and started helping the servants, as best as he could, to clear up the mess. 

 

 

 

He went to the library after that. To think.

He had taken two bottles of wine from the cellar and he put them on the table and sat down heavy on the chair beside the large windows.

His goblet was still on the table from the last time he was here. He poured wine into the goblet until it was full. He took a mouthful. He knew he was going to have to stop this.

He stood up to look out of the windows and threw them open. They faced onto Frigga's garden. It was late afternoon and the sweet smell of jasmine wafted up to him. He sat back down on the chair. 

Frigga. The most beautiful Queen of Asgard. His Mother. He needed her now, desperately, to tell him what to do. He took another mouthful of wine. He was definitely going to have to stop this. He put the goblet back on the table and ran his hands through his hair.

He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes. His head fuddled with tears and alcohol. But he could still think straight. 

He knew what his mother would say. It would be what Thor had just said to him. He knew he needed to be responsible.

'Loki. Look after your daughter.' He could hear her say. 'And stop fretting over me and things you can't change.'

She was right. He knew she was right. While he wouldn't forget Frigga and Grace he knew he needed to take responsibility for his daughter and stop being selfish.

With all that going around his head, he drifted off into sleep, dreaming of Frigga.

 

 

 

"Loki" a voice said.

He opens his eyes, awakened with a start. He lay still, quietly listening.

He looked around. It was still dark apart from the moonlight shining through the window and he was alone. And in his nightshirt and in a bed.

He suddenly remembers... Falling asleep... In the library.

He frowns. Thor must have picked him up... Again... and put him to bed... Again.

He lies there thinking about that situation for a minute while, listening quietly for the voice and wondering if he was dreaming.

His head is fuddled still, from alcohol, but now also sleep. His eyelids droop, falling asleep again, gently.

"Loki."

He bolts upright! Not a good idea as his vision suddenly swims and pain shoots through his head. He blinks a few times, trying to see. There is a movement near the door.

"Who's there?" he asks into the dark.

He decides to get up.

"Loki." He hears again, but outside the door.

He opens the door. His eyes flicking up and down the corridor. He sees someone at the end of the corridor. Or was it a just a shadow? He didn't know.

"Who is it?" he whispers.

"Loki." the voice says again, all around him. He walks down the corridor and turns a corner.

"Loki." The voice echoed softly through the corridor.

He walks up and down corridors in nothing but a nightshirt and bare feet. He stops, leaning against a wall, trying to collect his thoughts, confused now and lost and freezing. A cold breeze blows through the corridor causing him to shiver more.

"Loki." The voice whispers again.

He looks to where it is coming from. He sees a woman in a white dress.

"Loki." she says, the voice clearer now. "Come see our daughter."

Loki freezes on the spot. Eyes wide.

"Grace?" he whispers, voice hitching, his heart thumping in his chest.

"Come on Loki. This way." Then she disappears. He walks tentatively to where she had been standing and looks at the door.  
It has nursery written on it. He puts his hand out, shaking and turns the knob and it opens.

The woman is kneeling down beside a crib. 

"Loki," she whispers. "Come see our daughter."

Loki walks over to the crib and looks down at his daughter.

Freyja. His beautiful Freyja. Grace looks up at him and smiles. His breath wavering, catches in his throat.

"Freyja." he says softly. 

Loki falls to his knees, looking in the crib. Freyja is safe.  
Sleeping. Beautiful. He dares to touch her. Her black hair is soft. He loses himself in her. Stroking her hair. She is making little snuffling noises. He smiles and turns to Grace but she has disappeared.

He looks around suddenly, not sure what to do or what to feel.  
"Grace?" he whispers.

Tears suddenly spill from his eyes. He presses his face into his hands and sobs.

"Grace." He chokes.

He can't get control of his grief.  
Just when he thought he was ready to let go of it, he pulls him under again, literally tearing him apart. He drags his hands through his hair, frustrated. He wants to scream. Let it all out. But he remembers his sleeping daughter and refrains from doing just that.

He looks into the crib again, then lies down on the floor and tries to curl in on himself. He lays there clutching at his chest. Sobbing quietly. Shivering. Wishing death would just take him. But that won't happen. It's not an option anyway even if it was. He has a daughter to care for.

"Please, please, please." He whispers, begging to anyone who will listen. 

He doesn't hear the door opening and someone coming in until they lay a blanket over him.  
He jumps and opens his eyes to a young girl.  
"Grace?"

"Hush, your Majesty." He sees it's Eira, the young maiden looking after Freyja.

Cold and embarrassed, he pulls the blanket over his face. He wants to get up and leave but he's exhausted. 'Maybe Thor will come' he thinks, as he closes his eyes. Eira checks on Freyja who is still sleeping, then goes outside to find a guard to go and fetch the King.

When she comes back in she kneels down beside him. Her heart goes out to him. He's shivering.  
She runs her hand over his head. He lets her. He longs for the gentle touch of a female. It feels soothing, like his Mother's touch. 

Shh." she whispers. She then realises the impossible at that very moment...

 

Suddenly the door opens and Thor enters the nursery. He takes in the scene before him.

Eira jumps as Thor, although remembering to be quiet in the nursery, basically fills the room with his presence. She looks up at him. He looks in the crib to check his niece and is happy to see her sleeping peacefully. He then bends down to pick up Loki.

"Thank you." he whispers to Eira.

Loki wakes as Thor picks him up. "Freyja." he gasps.  
"Hush. I'm taking you back to bed brother. Freyja is safe. She is sleeping."  
Loki closes his eyes again, as Thor carries him back to his chambers. His brother did come for him. 

"I'm sorry." he whispers. 

Eira picks herself off the floor and looks in the crib.  
She lifts Freyja out and sits on the rocking chair beside the crib and holds her close. She loves Freyja like she is her own. And now... Her heart breaks because she knows it can never happen.


End file.
